Four years did I toil among them,
and four years did I watch and listen
in my own way.
and these things have I learned from those whom I toiled with, whom I watched.
The flowery, Persuasive speech of preachers,
the light airy step and song
I learned of maids,
minds full of dreams of babes and husbands
for whom only one thing can go wrong.
I ate of silk and hypocrisy,
then cleansed myself in burning
needing to feel my own death,
my own finality,
to prove my fate existed.
I crawled on my knees through filth,
begging for truth,
and found only the cliches
and postcard answers of a dead faith-
or perhaps, it was mine that had died.
I found that spiritual giants and fools often give the same answers to the same questions,
I learned that truth of this sort cannot be truly ever be taught,
it must be cleaved from ones own flesh,
from the dark places we would hide from others,
only to mistakenly forget them ourselves.
So I set out again,
without my lovely teachers,
where I go, I shall not need them.
In the wild, cast out, forgotten,
till the last cry of 'Abba' dies from my lips.
until I am filled,
until I am whole.